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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
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"It is not my fault that certain so-called bohemian elements have found in my writings something to hang their peculiar beatnik theories on."
Humor

"All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land."
Wisdom

"Mankind is like dogs, not gods - as long as you don't get mad they'll bite you - but stay mad and you'll never be bitten. Dogs don't respect humility and sorrow."
Wisdom

"I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life."
Love

"You can't teach the old maestro a new tune."
Wisdom

"Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life."
Life

"If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime."
Wisdom

"All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together."
Dream

"I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."
Identity

"Avoid the world, it's just a lot of dust and drag and means nothing in the end."
Wisdom
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