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"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
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"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Car
"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."
Society
"Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it."
Life
"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent."
Travel
"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."
Purpose
"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Humor
"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
Society
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
Humor
"Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators."
Cause
"As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula."
Humor
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"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best."
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Personal Development
"Religions do a useful thing: they narrow God to the limits of man. Philosophy replies by doing a necessary thing: it elevates man to the plane of God."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I know nothing of God or the Devil. I have never seen a vision nor learned a secret that would damn or save my soul."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's too much tendency to attribute to God the evils that man does of his own free will."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is very lonely sometimes, trying to play God."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Conscience is God present in man."
Author Name
Personal Development
"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I gave in, and admitted that God was God."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him."
Author Name
Personal Development
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