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Andy Rooney

"When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper."

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"When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper."

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Akshay Vasu

"You want the audience to be uncomfortable."

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"It's hard to say what I want my legacy to be when I'm long gone."

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"I feel that if I said anything about John, I would have to sit here for five days and say it all. Or I don't want to say anything."

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"With yourself, I think you have to decide the kind of person that you really want to be, and for me, it's just a sweet girl."

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"I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it."

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"If you want to be happy, be."

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Akshay Vasu

"I guess I can go anywhere I want. If only I knew where to go."

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"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."

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"The best thing to do is just leave them alone. Alligators want to be away from you just as much as you want to be away from them."

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Akshay Vasu

"You can have anything in this world you want, if you want it badly enough and you're willing to pay the price."

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Andy Rooney
"The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account."
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Andy Rooney
"As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book."
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"I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting."
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"Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens."
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"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
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Andy Rooney
"The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians."
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Andy Rooney
"Elephants and grandchildren never forget."
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Andy Rooney
"Death is a distant rumor to the young."
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"If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."
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Andy Rooney
"I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran."
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