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"Felix believed that the answer to every problem involved penguins; but it wasn't fair to birds, and I was getting tired of teleporting them back home. Somewhere in Antarctica, a whole flock of Magellanic penguins were undergoing psychotherapy."
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"Joseph, you're out of clean towels. Lucia poked her head into the living room, the rest of her hidden behind the wall. Her red hair dripped water onto my wooden floors.'She's in the buff. Jenna guffawed. Gabriella rolled her eyes, beaming.I rose. 'Go back to the bathroom. I'll bring you a towel, I ordered Lucia. She disappeared down the hall.'You have naked angels running around your house, Jenna continued through her laughter. Gabby laughed louder."

"Sharks to not eat Chinese people because they get hungry thirty minutes later."

"Destruction was calm, almost content- would he next break out in song like a Disney princess?"

"You know how spooky Ashwini is. She called an hour ago to tell me she has a secret stash of handheld grenade launchers she thought I might want to know about. My response was, 'What the fuck?"

"In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd."

"He was dead. However, his nose throbbed painfully, which he thought odd in the circumstances."

"It doesn't matter if Prince Charles falls off his horseor that the hummingbird is so seldomseenor that we are too senseless to goinsane.coffee. give us more of that NOTHINGcoffee."
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"Leo grabbed the neasrest thing he could find- a Porta-Potty seat- and threw it at the face. Leve me alone!"


"She had to go on this quest. The fate of the world might depend on it. But part of him wanted to say: Forget the world. He didn't want to be without her."


"Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually."


"To call the place an anthill would be like calling the Versailles Palace a single-family home. Earthen ramparts rose almost to the tops of the surrounding trees--a hundred feet at least. The circumference could have accommodated a Roman hippodrome. A steady stream of soldiers and drones swarmed in and out of the mound. Some carried fallen trees. One, inexplicably, was dragging a 1967 Chevy Impala."


"Poseidon held out his arms and gave me a hug. I realized, a little embarrassed, that I'd never actually hugged my dad before. He was warm-like a regular human-and he smelled of a salty beach and fresh sea air."


"What's the best part of being in Hermes cabin?Connor: You are never lonely. I mean seriously, new kids are always coming in. So you always have someone to talk to.Travis: Or prank.Connor: Or pickpocket. One big happy family."


"This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or...""Repair boy.""Very funny, Piper."


"He'd learned years ago it was better not to dwell too much on who was related to whom on the godly side of things. After Tyson the Cyclops adopted him as a brother, Percy decided that that was about as far as he wanted to extend the family."
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