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"Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers."
People
"For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!"
Time
"The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up."
Iraq
"You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch."
War
"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology."
God
"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."
Father
"The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."
Crime
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
Men
"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
God
"According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it."
Money
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"A mother is the most important blessing of your life."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A mother's love is more beautiful than any fresh flower."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The longest tenured First LOVE and Greatest TEACHER, in-fact life long, is none the other, but Mother."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I recently saw the movie about Ray Charles, and there's a scene where he falls down and the mother doesn't help him. She says, I don't want anyone to treat you like a cripple. I've fallen down before, and Molly will say, get up and just go."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'd like to be a wife and mother. I guess I'll know Mr. Right when I meet him."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She is incredibly fit, but we remind staff that she's not just the monarch, but our mother."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm more of a guy's girl. I like having a beer in a bar, and I don't bicker or sit down and do my nails. But I have two sisters and a mother, and we're Latin, so we gossip."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I just cleared the slate and thought of her as a mother and went from there."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We never got anything out of the recordings. I'm still as broke as I was when I was with the Mothers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My mother was the total influence. My father was what we call a nomadic person; he was a wanderer."
Author Name
Personal Development
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