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"There's just one thing I want you to remember. You know those chemicals women have in them, when they've got PMS? Well, men have the very same chemicals in them all the time."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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"All you have to do, I tell myself, is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard."
Humor
"Things that are falling apart encourage me: whatever else, I'm in better shape than they are."
Positivity
"I shouldn't have taken a vow of silence, I told myself. What did I want? Nothing much. Just a memorial. But what is a memorial, when you come right down to it, but a commemoration of wounds endured? Endured, and resented. Without memory, there can be no revenge."
Memory
"Why is it that night falls, instead of rising, like the dawn? Yet if you look east, at sunset, you can see night rising, not falling; darkness lifting into the sky, up from the horizon..."
Nature
"I was taking something away from her, although she didn't know it. I was filching. Never mind that it was something she apparently didn't want or had no use for, had rejected even; still, it was hers, and if I took it away, this mysterious "it" I couldn't quite define."
Emotion
"Is there no end to his diguises of benevolence?"
Politics
"If your not annoying somebody, you're not alive."
Life
"There is never only one, of anyone."
Identity
"For me the experience of writing is really an experience of losing control. I think it's very much like dreaming or like surfing. You go out there and wait for a wave, and when it comes it takes you somewhere and you don't know where it'll go."
Creativity
"Better not to invent her in her absence. Better to wait until she's actually here. Then he can make her up as she goes along."
Imagination
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