"Other useful commands to teach your dog are 'stay,' 'heel,' 'remove your snout from that person's groin,' 'stop humping the Barcalounger,' 'do not bark violently for two hours at inanimate objects such as a flowerpot,' ' do not eat poop,' and 'if you must eat poop, then at least refrain from licking my face afterward'."

Pets, Dogs, Training, Humor, Obedience

20

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"Other useful commands to teach your dog are 'stay,' 'heel,' 'remove your snout from that person's groin,' 'stop humping the Barcalounger,' 'do not bark violently for two hours at inanimate objects such as a flowerpot,' ' do not eat poop,' and 'if you must eat poop, then at least refrain from licking my face afterward'."

Exlpore more Pets quotes

"I have two Iceland horses, a very hairy dog called Looney, and a guinea pig."

Cornelia Funke, German Author

Pets, Horses

"I had mice that I kept as pets when I was very young, and I've always liked the way they look. Even rats. I'm not scared of them."

Catherine Deneuve, French Actress

Pets,

"The best about cats is they love cannot feign..."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Pets, Cats, Love, Sincerity, Animals

"The love of one cat simply can't be compared with the love of another.."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Pets, Love, Pet, Comparison, Affection

"Gromit was the name of a cat. When I started modeling the cat I just didn't feel it was quite right, so I made it into a dog because he could have a bigger nose and bigger, longer legs."

Nick Park, British Director

Pets, Name, Right

"Capo, my first golden retriever, so loved to swim she once jumped off a cliff to get into Lake Superior."

Sara Paretsky, American Author

Pets, First

"Other useful commands to teach your dog are 'stay,' 'heel,' 'remove your snout from that person's groin,' 'stop humping the Barcalounger,' 'do not bark violently for two hours at inanimate objects such as a flowerpot,' ' do not eat poop,' and 'if you must eat poop, then at least refrain from licking my face afterward'."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Pets, Dogs, Training, Humor, Obedience

Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

Circumstance

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

Aging

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

Television

"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."

Humor

"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."

Now

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

Statistics

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."

Dance

"Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash."

Driving

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

Humor

"I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached after traveling through Japan as well as countless hours reading studying and analyzing this fascinating culture is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase."

Travel