"Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?"

Humor, Cruelty, Sexuality, Pain

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"Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?"

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Calm, Reassurance, Fear

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

" Think of how many times you put on your underwear in a lifetime. It was appalling, it was disgusting, it was stupid."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Life, Daily, Routine

"Silverfish looked down."Oh. Are you a dwarf?"Cuddy gave him a blank stare."Are you a giant?" He said."Me? Of course not!"Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Identity, Giants, Truth

"What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power, Today

"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Appearance, Opinion, Judgment

"Reason like a sphere? What type of reasoning does a wooden sphere do?""The circular type, I should think. And, by coincidence, it is my favorite type as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so good at the game."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Logic, Reason, Games

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Personality, Identity, Education

"I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Funny, Houses, Road

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

Veronica Roth, American Author

Humor, Sun, Birds, Morning

Explore more quotes by Kresley Cole

"I can draw you a diagram. Hint: I'm slot B, and you're tab A."

Guidance

"Seconds passed, then ... La Dorada skulked into view. She was half-mummified, but sodden."

Horror

"He's got more red flags than Soviet Russia."

Observation

"Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me."

Intellect

"She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling."

Interrogation

"Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to do.' Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her fate sucked."

Fiction

"Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman."

Social

"The game seemed to be speeding up, building on itself. Right around the deaths of Tess and Selena, I'd met the Sun.Were we spinning to an end?"

Experience

"You wouldn't recognize a good thing if it was spanking your ass."

Observation

"He pointed a shaking finger at her. 'You,' he growled. She jerked glances over both of her shoulders looking for the unfortunate You he was addressing. Her. Holy shite, this madman had settled on her."

Emotion