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George Bernard Shaw

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

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"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

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Donna Grant

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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Donna Grant

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

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Donna Grant

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."

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Donna Grant

"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."

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Donna Grant

"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."

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Donna Grant

"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."

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Donna Grant

"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."

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Donna Grant

"It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating," said the Queen presently. "What would you like best to eat?""Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty," said Edmund."

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Donna Grant

"Hey, guard! Ian hollered out loud. "Do you think we could get a bathroom break? The guard seemed to snicker as he pointed to the grass outside the cell. Eena smirked at how dead-on her thoughts had been after all. "Come on, Ian complained. "She can't do that, she's a girl. The soldier smiled wryly, a shrug communicating his indifference. Eena laughed in her mind. (I don't know what you think's so funny. You're the one who's gotta pee.) Oddly enough, that fact just made her laugh even more."

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Donna Grant

"Leo smiled nervously. Maybe he and Percy did share something else " a stupid sense of humour. 'Yeah, I bet that would totally be against her sponsorship deal. THOSE ARE NOT THE OFFICIAL SHOES OF THE OLYMPICS! YOU WILL DIE NOW!' Hazel rolled her eyes. 'You're both impossible.' Behind Leo, a thunderous voice shook the ruins: 'YOU WILL DIE NOW!"

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George Bernard Shaw
"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."

Old

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George Bernard Shaw
"The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself."

Friendship

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George Bernard Shaw
"A great devotee of the gospel of getting on."

Motivation

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George Bernard Shaw
"HOSTESS. Oh, nonsense! She speaks English perfectly.NEPOMMUCK. Too perfectly. Can you shew me any English woman who speaks English as it should be spoken? Only foreigners who have been taught to speak it speak it well."

Language

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George Bernard Shaw
"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

Life

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George Bernard Shaw
"Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course."

Fire

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George Bernard Shaw
"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

Change

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George Bernard Shaw
"Socialism, reduced to its simplest legal and practical expression, means the complete discarding of the institution of private property by transforming it into public property, and the division of the resultant public income equally and indiscriminately among the entire population."

Politics

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George Bernard Shaw
"My opportunities were still there nay they multiplied tenfold but the strength and youth to cope with them began to fail and to need eking out with the shifty cunning of experience."

Life

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George Bernard Shaw
"HIGGINS. The great secret, Eliza, is not having bad manners or good manners or any other particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls: in short, behaving as if were in Heaven, where there are no third-class carriages, and one soul is as good as another."

Ethics

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