"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

Humor, Truth, Honesty, Life

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"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Regret

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

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"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

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"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

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"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Jealousy, Doubt, Friendship

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"What's the difference between rain and grain? Only a g, though they both grow in the land, and they don't land but fall. What a difference a g makes!"

Ana Claudia Antunes, Brazilian Singer

Humor, Language, Observation, Life

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

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Explore more quotes by George Bernard Shaw

"If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion."

End

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."

Children

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

Communication

"How we lavish our money and worship on Shakespeare without in the least knowing why!"

Culture

"People see a Macbeth film. They imagine they have seen Macbeth, and don't want to see it again; so when your Mr. Hackett or somebody comes round to act the play, he finds the house empty. That is what has happened to dozens of good plays whose authors have allowed them to be filmed. It shall not happen to mine if I can help it."

Art

"You cannot be a hero without being a coward."

Being

"Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week."

People

"My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity."

Expression

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

Funny

"Martyrdom - the only way in which a man can become famous without ability."

Society