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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."
Author Name
Personal Development
"As you know it is a comedy so everything is a little bit pushed. That's what's funny about this kind of movie is you can laugh about the absurdity, and the bad side of life."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I just heard a very funny story about somebody who died yesterday, I'm sorry to say so but it was so absurd that you can't help laughing. And the person that was concerned about that story was laughing too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Steve Martin is one of the most intelligent, well-read human beings that I've ever come across. He is equally as funny off screen as he is on. But he also has a very intellectual side, and he's a really nice human being. We actually become good friends."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know I'm an actress, not just a funny lady."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I feel for Veronica Mars so much when I'm watching at home. It is a wonderful story. The writing is consistently funny, biting, charming, heart-wrenching, etc. I also like the look of it. The cinematography - different from any other show."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I try to be known more for my work than for anything else."
Work
"What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money."
Father
"What you come to discover is, it isn't how you get there, it's that you get there. If that's what it took to get me where I'm at today, so be it."
Today
"I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last."
Answers
"Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab."
Act
"I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer - I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero."
Marriage
"I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers."
Marriage
"I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."
Fire
"I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?"
Time
"Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?"
American
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