"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Humor, Infinity, Stupidity, Universe

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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

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"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, April, Fool, Day

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Politeness, Listening, Conversation

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

Robert A. Heinlein, American Writer

Humor, Animals, Cats, Wisdom

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, God, Idiots, Practice, School

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Literary

Explore more quotes by Albert Einstein

"Love is a better master than duty."

Love

"There are no arbitrary constants ... nature is so constituted that it is possible logically to lay down such strongly determined laws that within these laws only rationally determined constants occur (not constants, therefore, whose numerical value could be changed without destroying the theory)."

Science

"In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same."

Justice

"When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again."

Love

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Explore more quotes by Albert Einstein

"Love is a better master than duty."

"There are no arbitrary constants ... nature is so constituted that it is possible logically to lay down such strongly determined laws that within these laws only rationally determined constants occur (not constants, therefore, whose numerical value could be changed without destroying the theory)."

"Information is not knowledge."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things."

"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."

"Play is the highest form of research."

"Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift."

"In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same."

"When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again."