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Johnny Carson

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."

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"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."

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Akshay Vasu

"Our national media refuses to report that even the Supreme Court did not say marriage was a human right in all cases nor did it say that the heterosexual definition violated anyone's right or that the heterosexual definition of marriage was unconstitutional."

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Akshay Vasu

"Just as one has no choice but to defecate, one has no choice but to get married. If your mind remains single, then there is no problem. However, one has no choice but marry if the mind is already married."

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Akshay Vasu

"A young man married is a man that's marred."

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Akshay Vasu

"A man with a good wife is the luckiest of God's creatures, and one without must be among the most miserable, I think, the only true blessing of their lives that they don't know how poorly off they are."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"I think that's one of the most difficult things in any marriage - in order to build anything, you must be together. You can't build anything over the telephone."

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Akshay Vasu

"When she had first crossed the dry and dusty world which his mind inhabited she had been like a spring shower; in opening himself to it he had not been mistaken. He had gone wrong only in assuming that marriage, by itself, gave him either power or title to appropriate that freshness. As he now saw, one might as well have thought one could buy a sunset by buying the field from which one had seen it."

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Akshay Vasu

"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

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Akshay Vasu

"Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"What tale do you like best to hear?' 'Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme - courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe - marriage."

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Akshay Vasu

"What nonsense people talk about happy marriages!" exclaimed Lord Henry. " A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her."

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Johnny Carson
"When turkeys mate they think of swans."

Swans

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Johnny Carson
"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."

Success

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Johnny Carson
"Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."

Will

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Johnny Carson
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

Death

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Johnny Carson
"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."

People

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Johnny Carson
"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

Nothing

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Johnny Carson
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

Life

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Johnny Carson
"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."

Money

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Johnny Carson
"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."

Happiness

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Johnny Carson
"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."

Marriage

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