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David Sedaris

"I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."

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"I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."

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Amber Hurdle

"Anyone that refuses to grow will remain in the past. It is a demand of life."

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Amber Hurdle

"Since when has corruption everywhere, homes, streets, offices, become a Nigerian factor."

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Amber Hurdle

"You realize you can't change the world but it shouldn't stop you from trying."

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Amber Hurdle

"To really change the world, we have to help people change the way they see things."

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Amber Hurdle

"No one on earth is "functionless". The problem we usually have is that functions of people are being displayed in the wrong positions! Change position!"

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Amber Hurdle

"Such is life. We grow up. Planets like Tiny get new moons. Moons like me get new planets."

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Amber Hurdle

"I had to make a drastic change at Sun Records and I didn't really appreciate country music until I went there."

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Amber Hurdle

"As a standup, I try to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room."

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Amber Hurdle

"Clever nations are the ones who keep changing their governments! Because power must change hands otherwise it will get spoiled and rot!"

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Amber Hurdle

"By taking systematic actions and by focusing on beauty, for sure we can change our society."

Explore more quotes by David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
"Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it."
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David Sedaris
"I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance."
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David Sedaris
"Look at yourself on the day that you graduated from college, then look at yourself today. I did that recently and it was like, 'Yikes! What the hell happened?"
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David Sedaris
"I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself."
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David Sedaris
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."
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David Sedaris
"Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels --it's time to head up and move on out."
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David Sedaris
"Hugh consoled me, saying, 'Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at.'When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think."
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David Sedaris
"I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little finger wave, the type a leprechaun might offer a pixie who was floating by on a maple leaf. 'Well, hi there,' I whispered."
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David Sedaris
"The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, 'I want to love, I want to live..."
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David Sedaris
"Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking. 'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.''Why not?''I guess I'm not in the mood?''Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.''No, really, I'm OK.''Just taste it.''Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.''Then how about half a glass?"
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