top of page
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
Standard
Customized
Exlpore more Now quotes

"Roused by the lash of his own stubborn tail our lion now will foreign foes assail."

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

"Ask yourself: was there anything I could have done to prevent the situation? If the answer is yes, do something now and become a better person for it."
Now,

"The slapdash way producers used to assemble a show seems a little unbelievable when we talk about them now."

"Practically everything from hairstyles to lifestyles is endorsed as some sort of drug to be taken Now for Instant Relief."
Now,

"Now look, that damned cowboy is President of the United States."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
bottom of page