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Marty Rubin

"Humor is the salvation of those without hope."

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"Humor is the salvation of those without hope."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

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"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

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Assegid Habtewold

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

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Assegid Habtewold

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

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Assegid Habtewold

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

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"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

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"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

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Assegid Habtewold

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Explore more quotes by Marty Rubin

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Marty Rubin
"Winter gold: the sparrow's footprints in the snow."
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Marty Rubin
"Ideas stand in the corner and laugh while we fight over them."
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Marty Rubin
"The landscape looks different from every blade of grass."
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Marty Rubin
"Nobody wants to be nothing. But that's the greatest thing in the world to be."
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Marty Rubin
"Success in politics is the art of the timely lie."
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Marty Rubin
"A basket of ripe fruit is holier than any prayer book."
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Marty Rubin
"On the blank page all things are possible."
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Marty Rubin
"We all live partially in reality and partially in a world of make-believe."
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Marty Rubin
"The demand for justice always exceeds the supply."
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Marty Rubin
"The more diseases you know about the sicker you are."
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