"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Sister,

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"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Exlpore more Sister quotes

"My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act."

Todd Barry, American Comedian

Sister, Act, Tribute

"Sister Virginia used to say, 'You'll be known by the company you keep.'"

Michael Scheuer, American Public Servant

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"My older sister encouraged me from early on and bought me one of the first guitars I had. She listened to all of the crappy songs that I wrote when I was 8 years old and encouraged me to keep doing it."

Tracy Chapman, American Musician

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"Badges mean nothing in themselves, but they mark a certain achievement and they are a link between the rich and the poor. For when one girl sees a badge on a sister Scout's arm, if that girl has won the same badge, it at once awakens an interest and sympathy between them."

Juliette G. Low, American Founder

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"The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops."

Brendan Behan, Irish Dramatist

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"Once I showed up at my sister's with a baby rabbit I had bought from some children because its ears were cold. I put the rabbit on a hot water bottle and massaged its ears for quite a while. After all, I knew that all healthy animals had warm ears."

Juliette G. Low, American Founder

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"Whoopi and I have been friends ever since she claimed she couldn't sing on the set of Sister Act."

Jenifer Lewis, American Actress

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"I haven't heard anything about a reunion show for Sisters. But if the script was good I would do it."

Sela Ward, American Actress

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"And my little sister died when she was 16."

Jeremy London, American Actor

Sister,

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."

Life

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

Plants

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."

Girlfriend

"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."

Funny

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Order

"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

Car

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Business

"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."

People

"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

People

"Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen."

Disillusion