"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Sister,

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"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Exlpore more Sister quotes

"I started walking at night with my sister in law which has been amazing. It really does something for you. It just kind of clears the mind, it just makes you feel better, things start to tighten a little bit."

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"And now, dear sister, I must leave this house or the retreating army will make me a prisoner in it by filling up the road I am directed to take."

Dolley Madison, American First Lady

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"I was born in Connecticut. But my parents brought my sister and I to L.A. when-Hollywood, actually, when i was 6 months old."

Linda Evans, American Actress

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"And then I went to visit my sister in the states and all of a sudden it was just like, it's like... it's like the movie Wizard of Oz when all of a sudden it changes from Black and White to glorious Technicolor."

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"My older sister encouraged me from early on and bought me one of the first guitars I had. She listened to all of the crappy songs that I wrote when I was 8 years old and encouraged me to keep doing it."

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Night

"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."

Fish

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

Dream

"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."

Word

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

Fun

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Wrong

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Business

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

Cause

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

Love

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

Time