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"Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was."
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"Time is standing still. We are measuring ourselves by how far we are going."

"If you want to know the value of a minute ask the person who came to the train station or airport a minute late."
Explore more quotes by Art Buchwald

"If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it."

"Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before."

"So far things are going my way. I am known in the hospice as The Man Who Wouldn't Die. I don't know if this is true or not, but I think some people, not many, are starting to wonder why I'm still around."

"A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it."

"This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security."

"You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it."
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