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"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was out on the golf course, a guy came riding out in a golf cart and said, Did you know that Elvis died? And I just said, Well, there you go. It was like I had kinda been expecting it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart."
Author Name
Personal Development
"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now I do bowling, golf, and tennis. I want to be a good bowler."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I would rather play Hamlet with no rehearsal than TV golf."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."
Author Name
Personal Development
"All I want to do is do my shows and play golf."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"My dad was an Arsenal supporter and he used to take me there, but I've always been Chelsea."
Father
"Nah, I don't watch TV either, apart from a few sports programmes. I just don't have the time."
Sports
"I love cheese and biscuits, the stronger the better."
Love
"I don't read books."
Books
"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
Golf
"I like a drink, mate. I'll have maybe 10 or 12 pints on a good night out."
Night
"The Crafty Cockney had a picture of the owner dressed up as a copper, so I brought it home, wore it on TV and the name just stuck."
Home
"All this cuddling and kissing on stage these days, well it's all right in football when someone scores a goal, but not when you're playing darts."
Goal
"I've got a nice little crafty deal with the people in Barbados; 10 days out there teaching the locals how to play darts for an hour a day. Get paid for that as well."
People
"I remember when we were in the World Cup in Australia and I had to win the singles against Tony Payne, best of seven legs, to win it. I was 2-0 down but ended up beating him 4-2."
World
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