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"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."
Author Name
Personal Development
"At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Anybody who plays golf will tell you that you play against yourself."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament."
Author Name
Personal Development
"All I want to do is do my shows and play golf."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I like to play golf. I like to shoot hoops."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Almost a quarter of our planet is a single mountain range and we didn't enter it until after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin went to the moon. So we went to the moon, played golf up there, before we went to the largest feature on our own planet."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"All this cuddling and kissing on stage these days, well it's all right in football when someone scores a goal, but not when you're playing darts."
Goal
"It took me about 10 years to get rid of. I'm all right now, though, lovely, I'm throwing some nice darts at the moment, but every now and then I get a bit of a jump. I wish I could find a cure, I'd make a bloody fortune."
Cure
"I play a lot of charity golf mainly. I'm a bandit 18 if I play two or three times a week."
Charity
"I don't read books."
Books
"I like a drink, mate. I'll have maybe 10 or 12 pints on a good night out."
Night
"The Crafty Cockney had a picture of the owner dressed up as a copper, so I brought it home, wore it on TV and the name just stuck."
Home
"It's all right buying all these good players but they've got to gel, and that takes time."
Time
"I love cheese and biscuits, the stronger the better."
Love
"Nah, I don't watch TV either, apart from a few sports programmes. I just don't have the time."
Sports
"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
Golf
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