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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"It is quite futile to argue that man is small compared to the cosmos, for man was always small compared to the nearest tree."
Perspective
"Job is an optimist. He shakes the pillars of the world and strikes insanely at the heavens; he lashes the stars, but it is not to silence them; it is to make them speak."
Strength
"A man reading the Dickens novel wished that it might never end. Men read a Dickens story six times because they knew it so well."
Literature
"And they that rule in England, in stately conclaves met, alas, alas for England they have no graves as yet."
Politics
"When modern sociologists talk of the necessity of accommodating one's self to the trend of the time, they forget that the trend of the time at its best consists entirely of people who will not accommodate themselves to anything. At its worst it consists of many millions of frightened creatures all accommodating themselves to a trend that is not there. And that is becoming more and more the situation...Every man speaks of public opinion, and means by public opinion, public opinion minus his opinion."
Society
"Once I thought it delightful and astonishing to find a present so big that it only went halfway into the stocking. Now I am delighted and astonished every morning to find a present so big that it takes two stockings to hold it, and then leaves a great deal outside; it is the large and preposterous present of myself."
Self
"The word "good" has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man."
Perspective
"Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated."
Government
"Every healthy person at some period must feed on fiction as well as fact; because fact is a thing which the world gives to him, whereas fiction is a thing which he gives to the world."
Literature
"But whenever one meets modern thinkers (as one often does) progressing towards a madhouse, one always finds, on inquiry, that they have just had a splendid escape from another madhouse. Thus, hundreds of people become Socialists, not because they have tried Socialism and found it nice, but because they have tried Individualism and found it nasty."
Society
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