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"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."
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"You are perfect, not tomorrow, not in the future, but today."
"The present is the blocks with which we build."
"Tomorrow' is the thing that's always coming but never arrives. 'Today' is the thing that's already here and never leaves. And because that's the case, I would much prefer to invest in today than sit around waiting for an arrival that's not arriving."
Explore more quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
"Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip."
"If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck."
"I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away."
"I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family."
"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."
"Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on."
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
"People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school."
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