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"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."
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"Live every single moment of your life, for the one thing that is most precious to you."
"For most of the people there is no today and there is no tomorrow; for them, there is only the past times! Leave your past to live your today and to live your tomorrow!"
"That's all anyone has, and it's always brief, although, of course, some people believe they have a past where they can accumulate things and a future where they will accumulate still more. By the way, speaking of the present moment, do you masturbate a lot?"
"In the present epoch of struggle between two worlds the two opposing and antagonistic trends penetrating the foundations of nearly all branches of biology are particularly sharply defined."
"The present is the blocks with which we build."
"You are perfect, not tomorrow, not in the future, but today."
"Tomorrow' is the thing that's always coming but never arrives. 'Today' is the thing that's already here and never leaves. And because that's the case, I would much prefer to invest in today than sit around waiting for an arrival that's not arriving."
Explore more quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."
"Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on."
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