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Jeff Foxworthy

"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."

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"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."

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Donna Grant

"Learn to appreciate every moment of your life, stop thinking of the future too much, you have a choice to make a difference in your life at any time you wish."

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Donna Grant

"Live every single moment of your life, for the one thing that is most precious to you."

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Donna Grant

"For most of the people there is no today and there is no tomorrow; for them, there is only the past times! Leave your past to live your today and to live your tomorrow!"

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Donna Grant

"With the past I have nothing to do nor with the future. I live now."

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Donna Grant

"We usually lose today, because there has been a yesterday, and tomorrow is coming."

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Donna Grant

"That's all anyone has, and it's always brief, although, of course, some people believe they have a past where they can accumulate things and a future where they will accumulate still more. By the way, speaking of the present moment, do you masturbate a lot?"

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Donna Grant

"In the present epoch of struggle between two worlds the two opposing and antagonistic trends penetrating the foundations of nearly all branches of biology are particularly sharply defined."

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Donna Grant

"The present is the blocks with which we build."

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Donna Grant

"You are perfect, not tomorrow, not in the future, but today."

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Donna Grant

"Tomorrow' is the thing that's always coming but never arrives. 'Today' is the thing that's already here and never leaves. And because that's the case, I would much prefer to invest in today than sit around waiting for an arrival that's not arriving."

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Jeff Foxworthy
"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
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"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"If men have a smell it's usually an accident."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?"
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Jeff Foxworthy
"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on."
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Jeff Foxworthy
"You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."
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