"People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren't human."

Humor, Truth, Observation, Animals

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"People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren't human."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

Rainbow Rowell, American Author

Humor, Danger, Trouble, Judgment

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

Humor, Knowledge, Curiosity, Learning

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

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"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

Abraham Lincoln, American Politician

Humor, Coffee, Tea, President

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

Amber Tamblyn, American Actress

Humor, Religion, God, Sense

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Man, Sense, Will

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Adultery, Christ, Cruelty, Divorce

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

Tom Berenger, American Actor

Humor, Day, Pressure, Sense

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

Voltaire, French Writer

Humor, Religion, Diversity, Culture

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

Voltaire, French Writer

Humor, God, Comedy, Fear, Laughter

Explore more quotes by Will Advise

"To storm, a mind, it must be balanced,by what can't be it must be challenged..."

Balance

"Always carry what is beautiful in your heart."

Positivity

"Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don't even ask."

Observation

"To share is just to align with a person."

Unity

"If automating everything makes people lazier and lazier, and laziness leads to stupidity, which it does for most people, judging by the current content circulating the social networks everywhere, except North Korea, where they don't have any internet to speak of - at some point the Japanese robots, for which a market niche is currently being developed, with no concerns on how they should be designed to act in society or outside it - will have no choice, but to take everything over, to preserve us from ourselves."

Technology

"I'm selling Jarod's life today. I mean virginity. He has no life. Email admin@allthegoodonesarealreadytaken.com for more information and please try to catch our special delivery at double-price deals, which will be posted somewhere on the internet at random, every other Tuesday, for half a night (on the previous day), unless it's a Saturday, in which case you'll have to wait and hope until the destined day comes and takes you away to heaven, which unfortunately, does not exist, except in the imagination of carefully selected individuals."

Satire

"Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can..."

Economy

"With all the global warming going around nowadays, it would only take the stubbornness of a mule and the patience of a sitting duck to achieve what no man has ever done before " namely melt the ice in a wax figure's beaten heart that was chopped off and hidden 50 meters under the polar ice caps in Alaska, to protect it from feeling."

Motivation

"As an evil cultist, I make an excellent evil cultist. Only I'm stupid, and not evil. And I worship nothing, really."

Humor

"Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping."

Productivity