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Exlpore more Irony quotes
"I'm sucking on a cancer stick trying to think of something inspiring to say to help someone have a better life. That's "Irony"."
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright
"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect, then they told me nobody's perfect so I stopped practicing."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
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