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"I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world."
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"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."

"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
Explore more quotes by Malcolm Bradbury

"If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments - we'd have the Ten Suggestions."

"Only the old are innocent. That is what the Victorians understood, and the Christians. Original sin is a property of the young. The old grow beyond corruption very quickly."

"My experience of ships is that on them one makes an interesting discovery about the world. One finds one can do without it completely."

"English history is all about men liking their fathers, and American history is all about men hating their fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did."
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