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"I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know."
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"We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started."

"I believe that in every country the people themselves are more peaceably and liberally inclined than their governments."

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue."

"How long most people would look at the best book before they would give the price of a large turbot for it?"

"I find that most people know what a story is until they sit down to write one."

"I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail. I'm an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after."
Explore more quotes by Garry Shandling


"Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders."


"I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead."


"You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't."


"I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate."
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