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"Expect stupid. It's everywhere."
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"Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be."
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Personal Development
"I guess the painkillers wipe out your memory along with your ethics."
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Personal Development
"Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is sure to follow. The guests will repeat themselves one too many times, or you'll run out of dope or liquor and realize that it was all you ever had in common."
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Personal Development
"No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles."
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Personal Development
"It is through experience that I have lost faith in USA law enforcement."
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Personal Development
"Politicians are interested in the health of the people like predators savor live prey."
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Personal Development
"I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans."
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Personal Development
"Anything that has cynicism to it and that's jaded is smutty."
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Personal Development
"Cynicism is the humour of hatred."
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Personal Development
"I may have grown cynical from long service, but this is a tendency I do not like, and I sometimes think I'd rather be a dog and bay at the moon than stay in the Senate another six years and listen to it."
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Personal Development
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"Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen."
Pragmatism
"Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars."
Love
"Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air."
Humor
"Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts."
Desire
"He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated."
Humor
"There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate."
Conflict
"Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops."
Irony
"Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack."
Dating
"It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while."
Brotherhood
"You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you."
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