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"Call me old-fashioned, but I like my conditioners to be conditioners and my shampoos to be shampoos."
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"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."
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"A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice."

"We are who we're going to be when we're very old, and when we're very old we are who we were when we were 8."
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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
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"I'm no interior decorator, but just I have a feeling that plastic plants in the bathroom... probably not a good idea."

"For the first time in my life, I want the right to get married. I've met somebody who meets the criteria of what I've always imagined in and wanted from a partner - someone to marry and to bring children into the world with."

"No nose hair. Ever. You'd be surprised at all the little twigs sticking out. I just can't get it. How can you see that and not just want to hack it off?"

"I'm all for guys being butch and guys being men. I identify with that and appreciate that. But if I'm going to stab my gay brother in the back who isn't butch and who maybe acts a little bit more effeminate, what good is that?"

"Our sexual lives are maintained by the shadow side and the light side, so the more we can understand and embrace enlightenment, the less need there is for chemical enhancement."
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