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"The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand."
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Explore more quotes by Fred Allen

"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."

"The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference."

"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."

"Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done."

"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
Exlpore more Time quotes

"We cannot measure time. We can only measure changes of life and the universe."

"I wouldn't ask too much of her,' I ventured. 'You can't change the past.''Can't change the past?' he cried incredulously. 'Why of course you can!"

"Wouldn't it be amazing if you could travel into the future, see where you messed up, and then go back in time to rearrange things in order to make your future better? You can. If you can foresee regret, you can mind-travel to the future. If you can train yourself to mind-travel effectively, you can intentionally affect your future by doing something about it today."

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

"A broad margin of leisure is as beautiful in a man's life as in a book. Haste makes waste, no less in life than in housekeeping. Keep the time, observe the hours of the universe, not of the cars."

"Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke."
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