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Robert Benchley

"Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off."

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"Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off."

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"Not a few other very eminent and scholarly men made the same request, urging that I should no longer through fear refuse to give out my work for the common benefit of students of Mathematics."

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"I'm all for guys being butch and guys being men. I identify with that and appreciate that. But if I'm going to stab my gay brother in the back who isn't butch and who maybe acts a little bit more effeminate, what good is that?"

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"There are people who said he killed over a hundred men. Historical fact doesn't corroborate one hundred men."

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"Men have an extraordinarily erroneous opinion of their position in nature; and the error is ineradicable."

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"I didn't let anyone push me into things I didn't want to do where my career was concerned. So why did I crumble when it came to men?"

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"Daddy was real gentle with kids. That's why I expected so much out of marriage, figuring that all men should be steady and pleasant."

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"I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
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"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands."
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"Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it."
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"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."
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"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him."
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"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
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"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."
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"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."
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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
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"Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous."
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