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"What would the new teacher, representing France, teach us? Railroading? No. France knows nothing valuable about railroading. Steamshipping? No. France has no superiorities over us in that matter. Steamboating? No. French steamboating is still of Fulton's date--1809. Postal service? No. France is a back number there. Telegraphy? No, we taught her that ourselves. Journalism? No. Magazining? No, that is our own specialty. Government? No; Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, Nobility, Democracy, Adultery the system is too variegated for our climate. Religion? No, not variegated enough for our climate. Morals? No, we cannot rob the poor to enrich ourselves."
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"Politicians look for interests not people."
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Personal Development
"When men reject reason, they have no means left for dealing with one another - except brute, physical force."
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Personal Development
"Experience is in the fingers and the head. The heart is inexperienced."
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Personal Development
"And they that rule in England, in stately conclaves met, alas, alas for England they have no graves as yet."
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Personal Development
"I believe the term is 'eminent domain.'Ah, yes. That means 'theft by the government."
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Personal Development
"There is no single truth in a world ruled by many political parties."
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Personal Development
"Political or military commentators, like astrologers, can survive almost any mistake, because their more devoted followers do not look to them for an appraisal of the facts but for the stimulation of nationalistic loyalties."
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Personal Development
"Democracy is good, but it is not good for an uneducated dogmatic society. Often, that society does not know how to choose wisely."
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Personal Development
"If you have to say or do something controversial, aim so that people will hate that they love it and not love that they hate it."
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Personal Development
"Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong."
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Personal Development
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"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
Happiness
"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows."
Religion
"It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected."
Attitude
"He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'."
Health
"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself."
Mortality
"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness."
Wisdom
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin."
Humor
"From his cradle to the grave a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object save one-to secure peace of mind spiritual comfort for himself."
Spiritual
"The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people."
Philosophy
"I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it."
Health
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