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"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked."
Day,
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"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day,
"I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times."
"A cold atheistical materialism is the tendency of the so-called material philosophy of the present day."
"The Navy has changed a great deal. Not that the officers of my day were bad, because I served under a lot of good officers, believe me. But there were a few bad ones, too."
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"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children."
"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
"The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic."
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station."
"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."
"I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread."
"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries."
"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
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