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Ryan Stiles

"If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!"

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"If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!"

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Asa Don Brown

"In order that all men may be taught to speak the truth, it is necessary that all likewise should learn to hear it."

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Asa Don Brown

"Opposition may become sweet to a man when he has christened it persecution."

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Asa Don Brown

"A little skill in antiquity inclines a man to Popery."

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Asa Don Brown

"In the course of history, men come to see that iron necessity is neither iron nor necessary."

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Asa Don Brown

"A man in passion rides a horse that runs away with him."

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Asa Don Brown

"The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble."

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Asa Don Brown

"The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men."

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Asa Don Brown

"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in."

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Asa Don Brown

"The dons of Oxford and Cambridge are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything."

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Asa Don Brown

"Men should not try to overstrain their goodness more than any other faculty, bodily or mental."

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Ryan Stiles
"What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess."
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Ryan Stiles
"I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe."
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Ryan Stiles
"I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States."
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Ryan Stiles
"If I were like your mother, I would be a woman."
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Ryan Stiles
"If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian."
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Ryan Stiles
"You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards."
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Ryan Stiles
"The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'."
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Ryan Stiles
"The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue."
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Ryan Stiles
"I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982."
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Ryan Stiles
"Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana."
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