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"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
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"Human psychology is the most mysterious thing in the world."
"The Man in the Moon is in fact a record of ancient catastrophes--most of which took place before humans, before mammals, and probably even before life arose on Earth. It is a characteristic conceit of our species to put a human face on random cosmic violence."
"Is it not curious, that so vast a being as the whale should see the world through so small an eye, and hear the thunder through an ear which is smaller than a hare's? But if his eyes were broad as the lens of Herschel's great telescope; and his ears capacious as the porches of cathedrals; would that make him any longer of sight, or sharper of hearing? Not at all.-Why then do you try to 'enlarge' your mind? Subtilize it."
"In scientific thinking are always present elements of poetry. Science and music requires a thought homogeneous."
"I have detected disturbances in the wash.''The wash?''The space-time wash.''Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?''Eddies in the space-time continuum.''Ah...is he. Is he.''What?''Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?"
"Occurrences in this domain are beyond the reach of exact prediction because of the variety of factors in operation, not because of any lack of order in nature."
"One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA."
"Most of the psychological differences between men and women seem to come from differences in their reproductive system."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"
"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."
"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."
"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
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