"Does Uncle Bob have anything?""I heard he has an STD.""I mean on the women.""Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs."

Humor, Gossip, Observation, Ignorance

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"Does Uncle Bob have anything?""I heard he has an STD.""I mean on the women.""Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

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"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

Abraham Lincoln, American Politician

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"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

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"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

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"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

Voltaire, French Writer

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"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

Voltaire, French Writer

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"And then Mum spoons the coffee a little as if she's having fantasies of flinging it in Britt-Marie's face. But in a controlled way."

Fredrik Backman, Swedish Author

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"Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Russian Novelist

Humor, Stupidity, Wit, Honesty, Deception

"I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Russian Novelist

Humor, Comfort, Tea, Indifference, Life

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"You do have a tendency to severe spinal cords.""Only for you."

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"I am apparently the complete opposite of a sociopath. (Seriously. I took a test.) WHEW!"

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"I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking."I get it, Swopes. He's not the kind of man you take home to meet yourstepmom. I rethought that. "Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?"

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"He was leaving my stepmother for a sailboat. Not that I blamed him. A sailboat would at least be useful."

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"Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?"

Lifestyle

"Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done. -T-SHIRT."

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"The regular I both feared and salivated to see was names Reyes Farrow. Where others exuded aggression, deception, and insecurity, he literally dripped confidence, sex, and power. Mostly sex."

Personality

"He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man."

Psychology

"In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?"

Philosophical

"My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley Davidson."

Ethics