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"If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked."
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"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
Time
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."
People
"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."
Listening
"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established."
Example
""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
Language
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."
People
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
Purpose
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
Truth
"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."
America
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
Future
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"That we shall use every discovery of science in the preservation of our children's health goes without saying; but we shall do more than this - we shall give them a free start, not loading them up with our own ideas and experiences, nor advising them to live according to our lights. We were burned in the fire here and there, but - who knows? - fire may not burn our children, and if we warn them away from it they may end by never growing warm. We will not even inflict our cynicism on them as the sentimentality of our fathers was inflicted on us. The most we will do is urge a little doubt, asking that the doubt be exercised on our ideas as well as on all the mortal things in this world."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Tiffany jumped when she saw a balloon sail up above the trees, catch the wind, and swoop away, but it turned out to be just a balloon and not a lump of excess Brian. She could tell this because it was followed by a long scream of rage mixed with a roar of complaint: "AAaargwannawannaaaagongongonaargggaaaaBLOON! which is the traditional sound of a very small child learning that with balloons, as with life itself, it is important to know when not to let go of the string. The whole point of balloons is to teach small children this."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We pretend that we know our children, because it's easier than admitting the truth--from the minute that cord is cut, they are strangers. It's far easier to tell yourself your daughter is still a little girl than to see her in a bikini and realize she has the curves of a young woman; it's safer to say you're a good parent who has all the right conversations about drugs and sex than to acknowledge there are a thousand things she would never tell you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Being a parent wasn't just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Disciplining a child is easier than disciplining a grown person, and forgiving a child's insolence is easier than forgiving a grown person's impudence."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't box your children in and tell them that everything is a sin. You'll produce either rebels, or very boring people."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Every child gets a good mother, but not every mother gets a good child."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Parents' transmit their attitude towards education to children via soundless, aphonic messages."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Effective parenting requires being the grown up version of what you want your children to be. Why? Because example is the most compelling superpower."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sometimes, kids want you to hurt the way they hurt."
Author Name
Personal Development
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