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"Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers."
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"It's not a slam at you when people are rude, it's a slam at the people they've met before."
"We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started."
"When people are taken out of their depths they lose their heads, no matter how charming a bluff they may put up."
"I believe that in every country the people themselves are more peaceably and liberally inclined than their governments."
"Few people at the beginning of the nineteenth century needed an adman to tell them what they wanted."
Explore more quotes by Jay Leno
"For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!"
"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."
"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most."
"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
"The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up."
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."
"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."
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