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"What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers."
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"Your gaze fixated on him, my imagination deducing your conclusion. The agony sets in, this pain is unsurpassable with despair adjoining. But I can feel my heart knocking against my chest. So I'll attempt to push ahead for my behalf."

"Grief gives you a hundred reasons to cry; hope gives you a thousand reasons to smile, joy gives you a million reasons to laugh, and love gives you billion reasons to rejoice."

"Bitterness is a broken spirit."

"The feelings of guilt takes away self-confidence, reduces self-esteem welcomes fear, confusion, disappointment, depression etc."

"I believe in unconditional love... I believe in dangerous unselfishness... I believe in daring to achieve... I believe in making mistakes... I believe in helping others... I believe in moving on... I believe in passionate romance... I believe in living the fullness of this human experience... I believe in ME..."

"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."

"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."

"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."

"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."

"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."

"The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter."
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