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"I don't know who tried to teach him what to do in the bedroom, but it must have been a furniture salesman."
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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
Author Name
Personal Development
"GreenHollyWood is a bad character, fat, liking jokes, liking jokes about size, about the large, about the how big are you. Likes to laugh when you make a mistake, ... but but he is a teacher?! With a glasses a fat guy!"
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Personal Development
"They lack suggestive power. And when a book lacks suggestive power, however hard it hits the surface of the mind it cannot penetrate within."
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Personal Development
"To me she said, "It's this stupid gotcha thing, they've been doing it for weeks now. Leaping out at each other and us, scaring the hell out of everyone.""It's a game of wits," Bert said to me."Half-wits," Kristy added."
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Personal Development
"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"
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Personal Development
"Epic sex?" I sputtered. "By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?""And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns." Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. "There are no words. It was like the Lord of the Rings and All My Children made a baby with the Macho Man Randy Savage and a Whac-A-Mole machine."
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Personal Development
"Laughter can deflate almost any problem down to its proper size."
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Personal Development
"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"I laugh for sheer medicinal purposes, because I feel I might die otherwise."
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Personal Development
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"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it."
God
"It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly enjoyed knowing them all."
Time
"People tend to think that life really does progress for everyone eventually, that people progress, but actually only some people progress. The rest of the people don't."
Life
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise."
Nothing
"In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful."
Nature
"How simple a thing it seems to me that to know ourselves as we are, we must know our mothers names."
Family
"Never be the only one, except, possibly, in your own home."
Home
"The quietly pacifist peaceful always die to make room for men who shout."
Man
"I try to teach my heart not to want things it can't have."
Heart
"Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself."
Happiness
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