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"What makes me laugh? Richard Nixon always made me laugh."
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"Tell the FBI that the kidnappers should pick out a judge that Nixon wants back."

"It is my personal plan to assassinate by pistol either Richard Nixon or George Wallace."

"There were dragons to slay in the old days. Nixon was a good dragon."

"He and Reagan were not at all alike, because Reagan is an optimist and Dick Nixon wasn't. Yet in some ways they were alike. Neither really liked to talk on the telephone, for instance. And, in a lot of respects, both of them were very much loners."

"Now I start my diary of my personal plot to kill by pistol either Richard Nixon or George Wallace."
Explore more quotes by Bruce Vilanch

"I mean, when I started out I was billing per hour, like a shrink because you would sit with somebody and work. But most of it, if it's for a live show it's usually a buy-out. A flat fee."

"They make a humongous profit, but the people that work on the shows don't get paid a lot because they're working on the Oscars show. It's the biggest show in the world."

"I mean, I've sold all these scripts and nothing's been made. Studios have closed, stars have died. I had a director find Jesus. And the pictures just don't get made."

"It's the biggest party in the world, and you have to keep the whole thing percolating, which is difficult because a lot of awards most people don't care about."

"I write screenplays that don't get made and pilots that don't get picked up, and I re-write other people's movies, and those are all different kinds of fees."
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