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Explore more quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."

"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."

"I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points."

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"

"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."

"If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck."

"The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."

"I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie."
Exlpore more Family quotes

"Mothers care in volumes of tears and earnestness of prayers and a depth of emotion others cannot fathom."

"Some men do not know the father of 'their' children."

"We Lannisters do have a certain pride," said Tyrion Lannister."Pride? Catelyn snapped. His mocking tone and easy manner made her angry. "Arrogance, some might call it. Arrogance and avarice and lust for power."My brother is undoubtedly arrogant, Tyrion Lannister replied. "My father is the soul of avarice, and my sweet sister Cersei lusts for power with every waking breath. I, however, am innocent as a little lamb. Shall I bleat for you? He grinned."

"Until now, you have always lived your life alone. Every decision you've made has been for you and you alone. Now, and for the rest of your days, your life will be tied to another's. Every decision you make will be for both of you. What one does affects the other. You are a family, a team inseparable and unbreakable."

"A rubber plant is just about the ideal family."
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