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Steven Wright

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

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"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

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Amber Hurdle

"God and other artists are always a little obscure....."

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Amber Hurdle

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it."

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Amber Hurdle

"I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."

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Amber Hurdle

"The artist is chosen by God to fulfill his commands and must never be overwhelmed by public opinion."

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Amber Hurdle

"In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you."

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Amber Hurdle

"God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are."

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Amber Hurdle

"God's angels often protect his servants from potential enemies."

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Amber Hurdle

"Once spirit was God, then it became man, and now it is even becoming mob."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is in general good reason to suppose that in several respects the gods could all benefit from instruction by us human beings. We humans are - more humane."

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Amber Hurdle

"A subject for a great poet would be God's boredom after the seventh day of creation."

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
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Steven Wright
"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
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Steven Wright
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
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Steven Wright
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
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Steven Wright
"I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!"
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Steven Wright
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect, then they told me nobody's perfect so I stopped practicing."
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Steven Wright
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
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Steven Wright
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
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Steven Wright
"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."
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Steven Wright
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
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