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"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers."
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"I take leave to contradict those who say that salvation is an evolution! All that ever can be evolved out of the sinful heart of man is sin-and nothing else! Salvation is the free gift of God, by Jesus Christ, and the work of it is supernatural. It is done by the Lord Himself, and He has power to do it, however weak, no, however dead in sin, the sinner may be!"

"Tolstoy does not necessarily get rid of his angry temperament by undergoing religious conversion, and indeed it is obvious that the illusion of having been reborn may allow one's native vices to flourish more freely than ever, though perhaps in subtler forms."

"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity."

"Every service is a structure of acts and words through which we rceive a sacrament, or repent, or supplicate, or adore. And it enables us to do these things best--if you like, it 'works' best--when, through long familiarity, we don't have to think about it. As long as you notice, and have to count, the steps, you are not yet dancing but only learning to dance."

"Christianity if false is not important. If Christianity is true however it is of infinite importance. What it cannot be is moderately important."

"For Restoration Of Mankind To Be Fulfilled, A Terrible Sacrifice Was Necessary."

"Faith is the angelic messenger between the soul and the Lord Jesus in glory."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."

"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."

"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."

"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."

"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
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