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"Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth."
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"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."
"God is able to give you the power to endure that which cannot be changed... Why be anxious? Come what may, God is able."
Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce
"Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus:Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore-Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second.This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed."
"This is only a record of broken and apparently unrelated memories, some of them as distinct and sequent as brilliant beads upon a thread, others remote and strange, having the character of crimson dreams with interspaces blank and black -- witch-fires glowing still and red in a great desolation."
"Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about."
"They were obviously headstones of graves, though the graves themselves no longer existed as either mounds or depressions; the years had leveled all. Scattered here and there, more massive blocks showed where some pompous or ambitious monument had once flung its feeble defiance at oblivion."
"Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name."
"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
"Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure."
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