"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."

Man, Men, Women, Thinking

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"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."

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"The historian must have some conception of how men who are not historians behave. Otherwise he will move in a world of the dead. He can only gain that conception through personal experience, and he can only use his personal experiences when he is a genius."

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Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."

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"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."

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"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

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"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."

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"You're only young once but you can always be immature."

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"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."

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"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."

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"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."

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"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."

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"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."

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