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"It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine."
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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."
Author Name
Personal Development
"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."
Author Name
Personal Development
"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Southern DADDY-Dandy At Doin' Diapers Y'all!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"GreenHollyWood is a bad character, fat, liking jokes, liking jokes about size, about the large, about the how big are you. Likes to laugh when you make a mistake, ... but but he is a teacher?! With a glasses a fat guy!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Good friends, very good what's the equation motherfucker???"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Jokes are grievances."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There was so much testosterone in the air, I felt like I needed a gas mask."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place."
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Personal Development
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"Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting."
Life
"There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."
Cure
"Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed."
Success
"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose."
Writing
"As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight."
Humor
"It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought."
History
"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun."
Sports
"Excuse me, I must go and putt."
Fun
"One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-natured, a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead, frequently going to the length of hanging out crAape and instructing its friends to gather round and say what a pity it all is."
Strategy
"Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them."
Memory
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