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"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
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"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
Beer
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
Boxing
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
People
"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."
Brother
"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
Jokes
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
Love
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
Coffee
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"You are worth more than what people say or think of you."
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Personal Development
"An ugly jar full of water is worth more than an empty beautiful one in the desert."
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Personal Development
"If roses were not special weeds would not envy them."
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Personal Development
"Don't some people say, 'You did not value me'? What value did you have at all? Go ask the ocean, 'what is my worth?' You will be swept away with one wave. The owner of many waves has swept away many a people like you! Worth is in those people who have no attachment-abhorrence."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The price tag that you put on your soul will determine the people and circumstances in which you find yourself."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We are all valuable. Humanity needs our individual services."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My worth is not based on the 'work of my hands' despite how feverishly I might work and how audaciously successful I might be. Rather, my worth is based exclusively on the astonishing fact that I am the 'work of God's hands."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The only bond worth anything between human beings is their humanness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A man that knows your worth doesn't need to be told how to treat you. That's a given! You won't have to question his feelings, his motives, nor his intentions. How will I know? You ask. See, he will freely show you how he feels and prove it consistently. If you're settling for anything less than what you deserve. Then, maybe you don't even know your worth."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've always followed the rule that anything worth doing is worth doing excessively."
Author Name
Personal Development
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