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"You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery."
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"There is a kind of elevation which does not depend on fortune; it is a certain air which distinguishes us, and seems to destine us for great things; it is a price which we imperceptibly set upon ourselves."
"We do not know what is really good or bad fortune."
"The man who comes up with a means for doing or producing almost anything better, faster or more economically has his future and his fortune at his fingertips."
"Accidental wisdom is better than willful folly."
"The fortune which nobody sees makes a person happy and unenvied."
"One is never fortunate or as unfortunate as one imagines."
"When Elvis was performing, you just tried to figure out a way to get there. I think he set all the records and anyone that has ever had the good fortune to see him, you know what it's like to try to get in to see Elvis. It was impossible, practically."
"Fortune is the rod of the weak, and the staff of the brave."
Explore more quotes by Bill Maher
"A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out."
"The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it."
"What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country."
"I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?"
"New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to be individually wrapped in plastic, either. You're thinking of condoms."
"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?"
"If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod."
"It is not a surprise that a person would want to be a prophet. What's ridiculous is that other people let him."
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