"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day."

Day,

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"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day."

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"Prayer: the key of the day and the lock of the night."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

Day, Key, Night

"Let us develop the resources of our land, call forth its powers, build up its institutions, promote all its great interests, and see whether we also, in our day and generation, may not perform something worthy to be remembered."

W. Somerset Maugham, British Playwright

Day, Land, May

"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"

George Carlin, American Comedian

Day, Wonder

"When I stop working the rest of the day is posthumous. I'm only really alive when I'm writing."

Tennessee Williams, American Dramatist

Day, Rest, Writing

"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."

Will Rogers, American Actor

Day,

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."

Will Rogers, American Actor

Day, Open, Senators

"My greatest day is yet to come. Of all the things that I've accomplished, my greatest day is yet to come. But it will never come if I don't pursue it."

Alexander O'Neal, American Musician

Day, Will

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Day, Man, Night, Self

"Laughter is day, and sobriety is night; a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both, more bewitching than either."

Henry Ward Beecher, American Clergyman

Day, Laughter, Night, Smile

"So foul and fair a day I have not seen."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Day,

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

Time

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

Saying

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Wrong

"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."

Time

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

Love

"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Sister

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

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Exlpore more Day quotes

"Prayer: the key of the day and the lock of the night."

"Let us develop the resources of our land, call forth its powers, build up its institutions, promote all its great interests, and see whether we also, in our day and generation, may not perform something worthy to be remembered."

"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"

"When I stop working the rest of the day is posthumous. I'm only really alive when I'm writing."

"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."

"My greatest day is yet to come. Of all the things that I've accomplished, my greatest day is yet to come. But it will never come if I don't pursue it."

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

"Laughter is day, and sobriety is night; a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both, more bewitching than either."

"So foul and fair a day I have not seen."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."