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"Paperwork wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the paper. And the work."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
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Personal Development
"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
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Personal Development
"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."
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Personal Development
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"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt."
Humor
"In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?"
Philosophical
"You take a universal concept, something that has been done a million times (because everything has been done a million times), and add a fresh twist to it. Something no one saw coming. But mostly fresh writing! Keep it clean, simple, and compelling."
Creativity
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. -STEVEN WRIGHT."
Philosophy
"A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder."
Humor
"Does he ever eat cotton candy for breakfast?"He stepped around the counter to face us, lowered his gaze, and took a sip from the black mug in his hands."No," I said. "He's very much like the Big Bad Wolf. He eats little girls for breakfast."He spoke from behind the cup, his voice deep and as smooth as butterscotch. "She's wrong. I eat big girls for breakfast."
Humor
"The regular I both feared and salivated to see was names Reyes Farrow. Where others exuded aggression, deception, and insecurity, he literally dripped confidence, sex, and power. Mostly sex."
Personality
"Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly."
Humor
"Writing doesn't get any easier with time or talent. If writing is easy for you, you're probably still learning the craft. You haven't perfected your style or landed upon your "voice. You haven't learned to analyze your writing with a critical eye, to rip it apart and figure out why it isn't doing exactly what you want."
Creativity
"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."
Behavior
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