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"I do dumb stuff, like playing my favorite dumb Barry White song and lip-synching into the mirror so it looks like his voice is coming out of my mouth."
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"Outside of dumb luck, the number one way serial killers are caught is through the help of the public."
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Personal Development
"Don't dumb it down. The audience is smart and gets what you are doing."
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Personal Development
"I don't think you need to dumb down to a child, you merely have to be clear, you know?"
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Personal Development
"Elvis is not so difficult as Johnny Cash because his voice is so distinctive. If you try to copy Johnny Cash, it's just going to sound dumb."
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Personal Development
"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."
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Personal Development
"When Andy died, I just drank to dumb my mind."
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Personal Development
"I'm really, really dumb about describing wine, but I like wine that's full-bodied and dry."
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Personal Development
"Innocence is like a dumb leper who has lost his bell, wandering the world, meaning no harm."
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Personal Development
"However, we couldn't focus on the films much during the series because we're dumb. Individually we're smart guys, but together we're one big dumb guy, and couldn't concentrate on two things at once."
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Personal Development
"I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?"
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"I am not sure how much I would like being married if I wasn't married to him. A man who likes flea markets and isn't gay? I knew I was lucky."
Being
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
Love
"I was unable to sleep and I would stay up and draw these little cartoons. Then a friend showed them around. Before I knew it I was a cartoonist."
Friendship
"There was a beautiful time in the beginning when I just did it and didn't analyze the consequences, but I think that time ends in everyone's work."
Time
"If I didn't try to eavesdrop on every bus ride I take or look for the humor when I go for a walk, I would just be depressed all the time."
Humor
"Remember how you used to be able to feel your bed breathing and the walls spinning when you were a kid?"
Bed
"I go to work the minute I open my eyes."
Work
"If I had had me for a student I would have thrown me out of class immediately."
Class
"I used to live a very social life and never spend much solitary time looking at birds or reading."
Life
"I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking."
Funny
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