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"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."

Abe Lemons, American Coach

Humor, Day, Retirement, Trouble

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"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."

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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

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"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

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"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

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"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

Explore more quotes by Abe Lemons

"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."

"One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good."

"I don't jog, if I die I want to be sick."

"You know what they call the fellow who finishes last in his medical school graduating class? They call him 'Doctor.'"

"Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor."

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